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Toi Derricotte
Before Making Love
I move my hands over your face, the cheek bones, broadly spaced, the wide thick nostrils of the African, the forehead whose bones push forward at both sides as if the horns of new fallen angels lie just under, the chin that juts forward with pride. I think of the delicate skull of the Taung child— earliest of human beings emerged from darkness—whose geometry brings word of a small town of dignity that all the bloody kingdoms rest on.
[The Taung child is a fossil, a juvenile Australopithecus africanus, from Taung, South Africa, two million years old.]
Grace Paley Reading
Finally, the audience gets restless, & they send me to hunt for Grace. I find her backing out of the bathroom, bending over, wiping up her footprints as she goes with a little sheet of toilet paper, explaining, “In some places, after the lady mops, the bosses come to check on her. I just don’t want them to think she didn’t do her job.”
My light without my father’s darkness:
When i know i am inside it, a form comes from nowhere, from god, yet i couldn’t have done it without fifty years of revisions, finding the right suit for the dead girl to wear. It’s hard to try on words when the trick is to be invisible; you keep giving & taking from yourself, then you show yourself as a lie, & it’s not so bad!—then as a giver of small talk—all the while you try to slip in from the outside, maybe in dead night shade knowledge, under mining by naming, by building up from some old map, a little bit of this or that. You’re weak, you confess &, somehow, confessing makes you stronger; you don’t know why but you’re lead into the thick, you hold someone’s hand, sometimes you switch, but you keep coming back to your body’s weight, which comes into your mouth as words.
On Stopping Late in the Afternoon for Steamed Dumplings
The restaurant is empty except for the cooks and waiters. One makes a pillow of linens and sleeps, putting his feet up in a booth; another folds paper tablecloths. Why have I stopped to eat alone on this rainy day? Why savor the wet meat of the steamed dumpling? As I pick it up, the waiter appraises me. Am I one of those women who must stop for treats along the way—am I that starved? The white dough burns—much too hot—yet, I stick it in my mouth, quickly, as if to destroy the evidence. The waiter still watches. Suddenly I am sorry to be here, sad, my little pleasure stolen.
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