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AChapbook ThisPoem Is Your Permission No one gave it to Chandrasekhar leaving the Bay of Bengal sailing for Cambridge in aheadwind. He did not wait for the right Find an ocean of consent He had done wonders an approved co-author list. Recognition has its ways. First is ridicule, looking for the wet-nurse of entitlement. Where is she to give me the nod, This poem is your permission. Love is the greatleveler. Everywhere it’s busy turning geniusinto fools and fools into genius. Look outside,Rachel! See the shimmering? That’s nosunshine. It’s the sheen of activepathogens rained randomlyonto throats of the unwary. It’s a substanceengineered to short-circuit logic and make newcouples. Everyone, everywhere – haphazardlysparked into the act of un-separating. Go ahead then,Rachel, get vaccinated. Join in. Think you are thefirst to take the heavy serum of someone elseinto your veins. Drink them intensely until your ownskin is unknown. In the end, you’llwalk away stronger oryounger or crippled or refreshed, but changed forknowing the fury at which bystanders can onlymarvel. The only guarantee – you’ll spend the rest of yourdays carrying a dead knowledge of this loveinside you. Regretting,worshipping, eventuallyforgetting. Immunity will beyour only proof that it once ran livingthrough your veins. EverythingSpins Electrons in lonely orbits, our Sun on nuclear point, and the Milky Way in grainy, star-spangled splendor. Oh yes, everything rings-around-the-rosie – Opa in the beer garden, El Niño and La Niña in fickle pursuit of an average, each silver jack on sixth point spinning love’s back story towards a thirty year mortgage. It can not be helped. Electrons annihilate to meet their mates. The spiral arms of our galaxy collapse in a halo of Bremmstrahlung Somewhere Here, a Spell of Indifference This body, it could be any body. Rather, any body could be mine. And the town, well, it is any town– the street names wiped clean atdawn. My husband, an arbitrary man, is no less and no more than othermen. The children, small dear loaves oflife, are randomly being drawn out bytime. Anywhere, with any one, any me could be. I can’t tell if the sentiment is laudable or laughable, whether I’ve attainedenlightenment or disillusionment. But clearly, it doesn’t matter. The menu is always the same. The apples arrive with their leafless stems, and the bird outside my window is the same one outside yours. Romeo Nation I’m grateful to lovers, every one,who flashed me the salt in their eyes or Morse coded me in pleasure textto say passion is a part of compassion. But mymemories are pocked on all sides by girls in tight cotton wearingNO on silver necklaces, bank tellers of reproduction,these ascetics sat upright with books covered in the brown,grocery-sack paper of thrift. They insisted I do the same. Fear rose from them like startled birds. The No-girls quick-syllable wordswere bought behind counters stocked with lottery tickets andplastic saints. I pitied such shortsightedchastity. What they called a one-night standwas transformative. Sex dissolved pain in thedetergent of time. How empowering to be chosen, even neon-lightbriefly, by another. As a genius teenage fuck, I wonthe Nobel Prize for pleasure several years running. My talent was seeing each brittleyeoman for who he really was. In return, I was dubbed as easy,gained a reputation spread by the firetongues of the No-girls, I threatened the sexualeconomy. Brigitta called me Slut in her strangled pigeon voice. SoI played parade music, straight-ahead drum and bugle, andmarveled on the downbeats at all the No-girls didn’tknow. This: a talisman against loneliness is an old lover’s name spokenaloud. And this: even a memory of being held remains strongagainst the bowhead of time. So here’s my note to thesanctimonious: Stop dinging the sides of my dreams withfictive piety. Up ahead, I see the Romeo nation, whereLatissimus Dorsi curve into the small of men’s backs and a chorus of stories are sung as tongues become bluntinstruments of bliss. TheWarlpiri people explain a solar eclipse as being the Sun–woman being hidden by the Moon-man as he makes love to her. –Ray Norris, 2007, Australian Aboriginal Astronomy The Moon is a man. The Sun is awoman.
Moon wanting. Sunrunning. today the Moon catches theSun. Wedding invitations are sent byshadow. People come from Poland, from Japan, from farms and the arms oflovers. Bringing wines and expensivecameras as gifts. Chasing holes inthe clouds to glimpse the bride and her lustygroom. People expect thefantastic. Still, they are not prepared forit. An hour of the Moon rubbing outthe Sun. Foreplay is a pledge innearness. Even the tiniest crescent of heris still so brilliant. Finally, one eye swallows theother. The Moon and Sun shutter thisplay. Call it hide in the dark. Call it totality. Call it a cosmic peep show. Aswe watch our makers of gravity make love,another kind of sight is ushered in – adiamond blue-white seen only in subtext. Thisslick foreign narrator shows all the props to be wiredby maniacs, the curtains to be made of mesh. Did we really want to see thebride with her macramé gown pulleddown, moon ravenous, his hands bony,hers fiery? Yes. Oh, yes. As detailsrichen, people make noises in the backs oftheir throats, caught beside themselves in unexpectedclimax. One old farmer brought hisfolding chair, wore indifference like a hairychest handed out clichés about theweather, until totality when he criedout “holy shit, holy shit, holy shit….” He was not alone. All around were mewls of men and women inthe throes of a tryst they had planned, butwas more than they asked for. Clapping, and laughter a bawdy audience, the mostprimitive of shows. Unexpected means a comingwithout warning. Well, isn’t that always how itis? (After burner image – a blanket of discreteness, radiant streamers and Venus.) BuildingMy Boat from Kindling I want to hunt thewhale, hunger, single-mindedly, in pursuit of hisheft. I want to be obsessed, watch the days grow long, forgetmy teeth until I taste them rotting in myforgotten mouth. Let my mind growwild and feel the whale’s impossible form, abulk of blinding whiteness bearing down, ever diving behindmy eyelids in the moments when I can sleep. But if I go to sea,who will make the children wear theircoats? Who will cover them withthe right weight of blankets in thenight? While I am at sea, foaming, riding whitecapsof unlikely creation, no one will act as that necessarybasin in which cloth is washed with water, bringing out thebright emptiness needed daily in ourworld. Hours ago, beforethis day roused itself from the metronome of motion, my feetmade their way blind against a path. From across unkemptfields and empty lots, I heard a donkey make itsnoises against the night. I understood its inability to choose whatsound would form when gums parted andmuzzle made the joke of noise assigned to itsform. Of all the ironyof nature, the creation of marsupials, the birth of animalsaddicted to bamboo, the winding of winds that turn wrong inthe sky, there is woman. Every morning sheshows the seeds how to suckair and exhale, how to growstraight in the sun. Oh, the lack of mercy, as one womb afteranother fills. The helium of dreams leak a hissing trailinto the sky. But I am building my boat fromkindling, breaking the crib,chopping the cupboard that held thespices. Sticks stolen in the morning and bent at nightform a hollow to carry me out beyond thebreakers. Come Here When the soup isn’tworth warming, come here. Arms needn’t echothe emptiness of bowls. Let my bodybreathe a boundary around you. The easy animal ofme is outside time. Listen. Hear the lull ofmy blood being honeyed into bone. Within the lushnessof each other’s limbs, our torsos tellstories, singing skin to skin and the sharp surpriseof eye teeth bared by joy. Come here, bloomas an instinct, unfold like insect wingsto reveal this gift – warmth in the body– both balm and source of perennial alms.Touches, riches, uncountable,unaccountable. Entering the Barren Plains Against my limbicwill, I’ve decided to have no more babies, tobegin a self-exile where I wander the landbeyond the pastures of motherhood. I’m not barren – simply twenty-first century sensible, with a secretdesire for more. Rich in inheritorsalready, two small-limbed mammals clamber about myhouse with their fine heads of hair hanging commas inthe foyer of each moment a-rococo with thepop pop passion of children. Yet the terrain ofthis world can’t contain my yearning. The crotch of themountains makes my nipples swell. The contours ofthe land command the beast in me to yield. Iboth fear and crave a magical rape. If only the angelsof desire could summon the soil to rise up into asemen-spitting serpent, I’d warm mystill-ripe uterus full again. But no. I canalready hear the broad-stemmed shield of grassesweaving a spell on my eggs to stop their freefall towards fertility, to keep me frompopulating this land with more beauty. Hush-a-bye body – there will be no more babies. Hush-a-bye grasses– never to be crushed by the small feetof my youngest unborn. Hush-a-bye wildviable mountains – have mercy– close your legsand hide the shining crotch of life from my greedysoul. Loveand Loss in the Hour Before School A small moth with moon-colored wings struts onyx eyes and thread-like legs across my son’s palm. My six-year old gently sets the moth on his pillow to get dressed. Then picks it up again and smiles as powder wings brush his face, explore folds of clothes. “He loves me,” says my son. But I hear “I love him.” I nod. “Maybe moth would be happier outside.” Minutes later, I find him weeping, one hand hanging over the balcony. “He dropped” he says, “one wing was hurt. He couldn’t fly away.” But it’s time to brush teeth, get socks on for first grade where small sums and sight words wait. As the toothbrush glides over baby enamel, his eyes close. I think he sees the moth fall again from his hand because fresh tears appear. Placebo Powerful, thisnothing, this sugar pill ofpermission. Smaller than abutton, slipping through holes ofthe possible. A meretwo-calorie, lactose-coatedwhim mustering thetroops by blondesuggestion. A Poem AboutCountry Music I will not start off singing about all the satisfied menI’ve left behind. I’ve also been laid down on the thirsty ground from coast tocoast in a constant struggle to stay straight and narrow. Jennings knew, thedevil made me do it the first time. where I got high and got the clap. But in my version there are no prison walls and “the man” is not the sheriff because man itself is my prison. That personal pronoun of containment – “he” is a jar with smooth edges. It looks useful but put something in and it becomes airless fast. So I stand at the edge of a field tired with an overdue baby much longer because my warden is on a tractor or on the road The field before me is fallow all on its own merit, I can do that too, take the fossil in my teeth, know losslike seasons, on the tracks. I remember my first dance in his shoulders and back, so close and moving. never mind about eyes) just before it disappears. in brown-backed madness
sharpen on galvanized steel no match for desire no more clotted berries
SomeThings Are Easy to Forgive Throwing away a receipt, getting angry,
Eye Witness Sept 23, 2010 Headline “Train Crushes Elephants inIndia After Animals Try to Rescue Calves Stuck in the Tracks” Near midnight, the metal crushesGanesh. The pupil of the moon dilates on adrenaline,lamps down on six wild elephants freshlydead, or dying, while the herd blares distress. In a snarl of railway gauge, the freight train to Guwhati endswith engine carving trunk. Two are still breathing. Someoneshouts make way. A screaming match between traindriver and forest ranger. Twice the speed limit! I braked as soon as I could! Ruin rivets voices onto the plateof night. * Day dawns like a damnation. People bring sandalwood, small statues, their own bodiestransformed into keratin duffels ofsuffering. The nightmareblooms as a baby elephant is found stillstanding, motherless now, hiding in a drain of theplantation. Tea bushes, also voiceless, buoy in green whatwasn’t seen in the monochrome dark. Before us, he slumps and gives up. Blue-gray infant eyes so close tothe surface, unhusked. Witnessing this levers me wideopen with a tool, sharp as guilt, spilling all mysilver decimals. * Tonight, the pachyderm parentsderailed Indian trade, briefly. They slowed humanity to shieldtheir babies with living tonnage when stuck on the tracks mistookfor the forest path. Twenty-two months in the womb, but only amoment on the Bengal-Assam line to undo. The industrial revelation feels like this: thereis no safe passage. Fresh leaves on forest trees arenot free to reach past these metal meridians ofprogress. Indian Rail forgets itsarchitects the way the future neglects itspast, well-trained hides hauling sleepers and ties. A weed of a man wearing mid-morningtrauma weeps on the sun-hot rails. At first, I hope he is the driverof the train re-living impact. No, he is only a reporter fromKolkata. He doesn’t say he knelt, and photographed thebaby still alive. But hedid. Grate your owncheese. Refuse insurance. Drink water. Make eye contact. (I mean, look your lover in theeye.) Greet small withceremony. Meet big the sameway. Sew a flag of old undies. Hoist yourluggage, unzipped, up a mast. Read anautobiography. Raise children. Watch a bird. Sand corners. Occupy a border. (I mean, movecalmly near your edges.) Shield somethinginjured with your entirebody, hands wide. Turn over stones. Make room. Then, after all these things, Speak. My I I is for Identity – the straight of its shank, the narrow of its nastiness.I played its angles with transparency – a life-long, not-for-profittribute to gravity, as if gravityneeded to fake interest in star-signs,last names and last chances. I was born on thetenure-track, got a PhD inpassion at age seven. The thesis was ajuniper berry pinched betweenfingernails damned by dirt, blessed by theincense of astringency. I was baptizedlate into humanity by the births ofchildren, sanitized by sweet-n-souramniotic fluids, their constant demands for more ofme. The pain of their small limbs carved deep intothe wood of me. I travel towardthe final number in my series, when death willun-define my cursor’s point, when my CV willrevert onto a letterhead of freckles whose only entryis my life’s most sincere wish – I wanted a puppybefore I could talk. The imprint ofthat longing being all that’s left. My one ambition indeath is to turn the I on its side, ride it out pastthe atmosphere where gravity’s tide turns my I’s everyeffort into satellites of concentricity. I will ride andride, intercept the juniper-scent then overcome theeclipsing waves of light until I outrun eventhe bow-shock of my birth. Slip I hereby give permission for my child (blank) to go to(blank). I release the school of all liability. I give my full, uninformedapproval and consent for this event I know nothing about but hope it’s safe. (Please sign the lower half. Return by Friday.) In granting this, I assume full responsibility for any damage to person or property caused by my child. I also authorize any procedures deemed necessary by a physician or dentist cowboy or exorcist. I, the undersigned, understand no child will be sent home unaccompanied. (My check is attached.) NoUnauthorized Access Blonde, skin-loving, are thigh-high juiced to the burr with milk But I am not allowed to walk there. Restoration is in progress. I can only watch always stronger than the form. The Sun isan Egg
a guard in collections. I move backwards this time to oncoming traffic,
Letter tothe Seamstress A seamstress makes her-self a visionary by untethering hersenses. All forms, madness &knowledge – she pulls through her metal eye as a dyed line and binds innew shapes. She allows life,names, stripes and petals, while drinking the force of sunlight. If she should stitch herself a newuniverse, clap her exit and note the knot. Another with fierce tools will soon rip seams off theseremnants and start fresh.* *This calligram is a variation of Rimbaud’s ‘Lettre duVoyant’.
My boobs don’t need a job; they already work for me. Credits: Portrait of Aimee A. Norton,Watercolour on Paper, 2008, by Justine Frischmann. “Romeo Nation” and “SomewhereHere, a Spell of Indifference” were first published by Mascara Literary Review,Issue 8, 2010, University of Newcastle (Australia) “Building MyBoat From Kindling” was first published in Leviathan: A Journal ofMelville Studies, March, 2013 issue, John Hopkins University Press (USA) “Come Here”, “Placebo”, and“Decisions for a Quiet Revolt” in SOFTBLOW Journal, online, 2011(Singapore) “Letter to theSeamstress” in Rabbit Poetry, #3, The Visual Issue, January 2012,Melbourne (Australia) | ||